MARSHMALLOWS AND FONDUE

2011-11-23T05:55:00.000-08:00

6 months later i'm here again.

It's almost as if the days have flown by. It's been a year since we've been together. I have to say that each time i look at you, i still look at you the way i did exactly a year ago.

Innocent love.

But i wouldnt be wrong if i said that you were slipping. Slipping as though you know these days would never end. Slipping as though i've taken everything away from you.

i have no qualms about the person you are.. the only thing i have qualms about is you not being who you are.. unless the person you are, isnt the person i fell in love with.

and i know, thats not true. you are the man i fell in love with, and the man i choose to be with. i need you to show me i wasnt wrong.

2011-05-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

Vulnerable, fragile, elated.

I'm in love.

so glad you're here ->♥

2011-04-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

OIt's almost as though we have all the time in the world, we've got nothing to fear. But then we have ourselves to fear. We tried so hard to make it this far. Or maybe we didn't try as hard as we could have.

You know, we could destroy it all? I know people find reasons not to change, cause no body does. But people find reasons to better themselves. All because they know if they don't, they could lose everything.

Tonight though, I find myself stopping from becoming someone better for you. You said it's exhausting figuring me out. Well it really is more exhausting being the best for you without you seeing it.

And tonight, I remind myself that my strength is for me and me alone. I need me to be strong for no one else but me.

And to all the girls out there in love, don't forget to be strong for you.

2011-01-30T00:13:00.001-08:00

its been such a long time since my last post, Havent really had the time to get here or to anywhere really.

have you ever felt unappreciated or questioned and in a position you never really knew how you got to or how to get out of.

well i guess i'm there now. and i really dont know how i got here.
it'sjust how i feel, that i've spent so much of our time together fitting into his life that maybe i forgot a little bit about mine. but then again..was there ever a real life i had?

i've been trying so hard to give him something he wants so much but at the same time i feel that the kind of love he needs is the kind of love i cant give and only she can give. even if he hated it.. i mean.. it made him feel loved didnt it.

he says he doesnt feel i love him. but has he ever though that maybe he was more ready than i was to love again? and now i have to tell him to just stop stressing and free fall but he doesnt listen. so does this mean that i dont listen to him and he doesnt listen to me? or that im way in over my head here and im not the one who can give him what he wants.

she used to love you so much she'd go paranoid. she used to love you so much she wanted to be all around you. she used to love you so much that she never gave you the space you needed.

i love you so much i trust you. i love you so much i let you have time for yourself. i love you so much i give you your space.

and yet all im doing, which is also all you said you needed, is what isnt enough for this relationship.

sometimes i wonder if you think of her more than you think of me. trust me.. i have been loving you.. more than you know.. and it hurts the fuck out of me

2010-11-27T11:26:00.000-08:00

i dont know what is scarier

taking a chance falling in love, or actually falling in love again.
Now im just so afraid.

you say we can make this happen. And i was thinking: why such a far thought?
but now.. i want this to happen too.

if anything should happen.. how do i let go.
im free-falling in to your world and letting you take over my driver's seat.

love me cupid cause im in love with you.

2010-10-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hello world. Today I clear my head. Today I force myself to pull everything together.

Even though I know I am alone, I am happy. And today for the first time.. In a long time.. I feel loved and blessed.

I know how you are more or less. Not that I want to care.. You probably just need someone to do whatever with. Guess that's karma in your face. "he may have taken a second look at you.. But he is in love with me " Hayley Williams ftw!

I think I'm gonna get butterflies in my tummy again. Don't we all just shiver happily at the love hate relationship we have with those butterflies. =)

2010-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

i am happy with how things are. Although i am sorry that i cant give you what you want. And im glad you accepted it for the way it is..

If only others could. But yes. I dont regreT.i am happy. And god gave you to me.. I believe.. To make me happy again. <3

2010-08-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

today.. A colleague of mine was telling me how he was writing a jar of 99 short messages to his girlfriend because tomorrow would be their 99th day together.

He then went on and asked if anyone had done that for me..

Answer: no one

Apart from making me a little sad.. Yes.. He made me realised how i was always the one who had been doing it. Throughout all the relationships i have had. Well..

I thought about stuff through the entire night at work.. And realised.. That despite liking the feeling of being loved and cherished and held and all that other stuff.. I didnt feel much back. Honestly.. Maybe the best thing or the worst that has happened to me so far is..

I probably wont be feeling love any time soon. To me.. It doesnt really.. Matter?.. Cause i have.. Officially.. Become numb.. To this world.

Pitiful much.

2010-08-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

internet is really slow today. *points middle finger at modem

Well. What can i say. Things are not the same anymore. But we'll get used to it. And we'll get through it.

Nothing more has happened after that fateful night. But my heart was torn to shreds. Not as bad as it was last time. But yes.. Literally... ShredS...

But through it all.. The pain.. And the words you use on me.. I still have an inch of feeling that you might be the one for me.. The way things fit.. Just nicely when you are around.. Or i guess.. Thats just how i used to feel about us.. But then.. Slowly.. us just became.. A word we used.

I do not forgive you for what you said.. And i do feel i deserve an apology.. But what you said that day made me realise my worth.. And its much more than you think it is.. Simply put.. I dont deserve such treatment. I always knew this day would come.. I guess this is just part 1 of my goodbye to you.

2010-07-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

It's been exactly a month now. And I wouldn't say it has been easy. Sometimes I still find myself feeling sad at night. Am I not worth that much? How could anyone love me more than you did? That's what you liked to say. But I can definitely think of others who'd do more for me. Maybe you had a change of heart. Which was something I always knew would happen. But I kid myself into believing that you were different and maybe even one of a kind.

It doesn't matter anymore. Cause you seem like you are moving on with your own life and what you are supposed to be. It's probably my fault cause in the first place I'm the or who set you free. So I guess I should probably be moving on too. Even though somehow o don't feel like. But I feel I need to try as hard as you are, and leave the past behind.

I just thought you should know... I can't stop remembering the good times cause I loved you. I probably still do.. But fuck it. I refuse to be lagging behind you. And you should also know.. I was always planning on coming back to you. You just didn't have strength and faith.

So what does love mean to you?

2010-05-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

im watching the moment of truth on tv now. it's so exciting!!

HAHA. i know that if im ever on that show.. it wouldnt be hard for me to get through to the top prize cause im such a good girl!! hhahaha right right?

anyways.. every night something ticks me off real bad.. and it's been especially so since 3 weeks ago? i really dont know how i'll do when Lestie isnt here.. but i sure hope i survive..

All i know is that in the past few weeks.. i only dont think of suicide when i'm working or with baby. thats all. Other than that.. i'm pretty much in a whole lot of pain.. mentally and emotionally.

I dont know when baby will read this post.. or if he will ever to know but i cant tell him.. cause i dont know how to say it.. and i dont want to trouble him. I mean.. he is always busy and he's got more important stuff on his mind.

I tried to tell you the other day.. about something thats been on my chest since last year.. but i only managed to tell Glenna.. the night i told her in the living room.. you fell asleep in her room. but it's alright.. i know how tired you were.

This weekend is the last weekend we are spending together before you go to thailand.. and i'm looking forward to it.. but im super duper bummed about the- i can only stay out for one night thing.

what to do what to do what to doooooo

2010-04-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

Im in G's room right now. D G and i just dyed our hairs and we are happy people! haha. i gave myself something on the red side.

You guys should know... i have a fetish for red hair. hehe.. esp after that episode with Luo Ping at Chapter 2. YAYYYYYY!

Anyways.. the dye was esp cheap. it was only 16.80. wheeee.

Baby is in the other room dotaing while D sleeps. Everyone has officially become lazy up to this point... LAZY LAZY LAZY LAZY.

well if you all must know.. im beginning to hate work.. and i cant wait to change!! i rejected like 2 job offers today... just cause... idk.. i think i deserve better... at least for now..

alright.. leaving blogger with that.. i shall be back... when next... possible =D

2010-03-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

so in addition to the previous post cause my phone is pretty rebelious at the moment.........

should i just try not to give a shit so that i dont feel invasive?

Hate feeeeling like this. Roarrrrr!

2010-03-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

we've come so far together. Well i wouldnt really say it's far.. But for all we've been through since the start of knowing each other, its been quite a journey.

I never used to feel insecure around you. But now even when i say simple things like "what are you doing?" I feel as though im invading your privacy. So you can imagine when im bored and say "are you busy? You didnt reply me." i feel as though im being a freak. Im not paranoid. I just wonder like what is going on or happening. Stuff like that.

Will there ever come a day where this will put a line in between my feelings towards you?

2010-02-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

I went home and felt sad because I missed being your friend. All the laughing we shared and all my heartaches, you were there.

I'll never forget you tried to make me less lonely by introducing some guy to me. Haha that's called friendship. At least I can tell people that you ARE a good friend.

I wonder when will be the day that I'll be able to tell you that myself.

I kinda miss you.

2010-02-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

I was just watching these awesome proposals on youtube. haha.. i found a video on jody's facebook page then i decided to search on youtube. haha.

It's so sweet. i mean.. i love it when guys cry an choke on their words.. its so sweet.. like it really means that much to him!

Yaling said that callan had proposed to belle in phuket. like it was all planned and stuff. haha
Sometimes you cant help but wonder how your future partner's gonna propose.

Like i saw some videos and they knelt in fron of sooooo many people and did it.

In jody's profile, the guy got strangers to pass her flowers and he came after awhile with a hugeeeee bouquet and knelt out in the middle of public. so sweetttt!

The other one was him tying a string to his gf's finger and throwing it out so he could slide it down to her from the next building.

Idk... i mean i do think it's sweet to have all these tricks up their sleeves... but i cant help but wonder... what if mine isnt as sweet. ALAMAK.. I'LL BE DAM SAD LAH. haha

Im a girl.. I want to be the best and have the sweetest things. ALWAYS!

I cant wait for my val day gift!

<3 you with all my heart!

2010-02-10T04:37:00.000-08:00

im at cathay now.. Studying. Yes, i study best when im all alone.
I just spoke to you on the phone. Somehow.. Its not that i dont trust you.. But it makes it hard for me to free fall sometimes..

Get my meaning? Like let go and feel free, free to love you.

You hung up so fast.. I didnt even have the time to say anything else. I didnt even have the time to say a proper goodbye.

I dont really know where i stand sometimes.. In your heart? Or just an item that can be used as and when. I hope these feelings fo away and dont destoy me cause maybe.. I dont know whats good or bad for me. I hate to be the one who goes home without a trophy. Figure of speech.

2010-02-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

I know its been a tough day for you. But somehow i just dont know how to react. or what to say.

i just want to put my arms around you and stay like that. but the question is do you want me to?

2010-01-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking about baby telling me that he wanted to book a chalet for his birthday. kinda interesting. i've never really had a chalet open for my birthday before.. even though thats something i've always wanted..

but then i start to think about it.. what if i do open and no one comes? what if i do open and i dont have a good time? what if i open one and my friends end up having a much better time than i do.. then it wouldnt be called my day right?

but last year in 2009.. the stuff my friends did for me was pretty nice.. they let me decide everything and even bought me sake! haha.

anyways... now that all that is out.. bye... going to do fucking ib now.

2010-01-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's almost been a month since i last posted.

Chinese New Year is coming! and im going to do my hair and nails soon!

=D

My sister found this new hair place in Hougang that's actually the stylist's home. Although that lady cant really cut good stuff, she does pretty good dyes. But im still kinda afraid considering im the type of person that would pay more for extra care on my external surfaces seen by the whole world.

anyways..

I'm meeting stephhy this thursday! and we are going to do something to our eyelashes. apparently it's supposed to be really fun bonding time. I just hope i dont go blind. will show pictures when it's done!

lately there's been a lot of projects and test but screw it! im gonna graduate soon and my biggest fear is not passing everything! there's so much to memorise! and im SOOOOO not good at memory work!

ps. Gossip girl rocks and im gonna download all the vampire diaries episodes!

I LOVE YOU BUNNY!!

2009-12-30T10:21:00.000-08:00

Am i being selfish when i just want you for myself? Nowadays there are so many distractions. Your best friend is single. and he's kind of a little poor thing cause he's sad. i understand. but i can feel it slowly stealing you away from me.

You're so different. Or maybe it's just called progression. Of every single relationship.

Well, even your best friend's sister, whom you claimed.. i repeat. WHOM YOU CLAIMED WAS JUST D'S SISTER, half a year ago has now leveled up to be your best friend. But thats fine also.

Is it really fine? i mean... i go on saying everything is fine.. even when i feel like shit.

I hate that they wake you up at 4 in the mrn and i cant.
I hate that you hang up while talking to me just cause they are outside.
I hate that i'm not the best in everyone's eyes, especially the people that matter to you.
I hate that your family is so different, so hard to get 'family' with.
I hate that you have a past
I hate that im haunted by your past
I hate that i feel like shit
I hate that i feel like you are slowly falling out of love with me
I hate that sometimes i have to message a close friend just to feel worthy of being on earth again.
I hate that i alone am not enough.
I hate that you live so far away and always ask me to stay later but you yourself go home so early.
I hate that you have so many other things going on in your mind when you're with me.
I hate that you dont listen to me sometimes
I hate that you just had to message both of them on christmas
I hate that i love you so much that everything i swore would never affect me cause i never want to feel pain again is hurting me so much.

I hate that i fell in love with you
I hate that i wanted this so much i nearly said no.
I hate that i said yes.

why do i love you so much?

2009-12-30T08:05:00.001-08:00

So... I made a resolution to only do what makes me happy. But lately many things have been holding me back.

Thinking about being happy makes me happy. No doubt about it.
But sometimes I feel like nothing more than a person that only does what she's told.

I realized today that I don't cook from the heart anymore. Which is probably why my food doesn't taste nice anymore. There ain't no love anymore. Know what I'm saying?

Is being happy so hard to achieve? Has being loved become a sin?
This was the reason in the first place why I didn't want anything more than that certain period of time. I'm just so tired of trying to make things work for myself.

2009-12-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

where are you sweetie? I dont feel so good. I feel so alone.

I called you but you didnt hear the difference in my voice. I waited but you just said "lets go to sleep"

Couldnt you tell i needed you so badly? I needed you honey. i need you.

why.. why am i crying and writing a post that may not make me feel better.

All i want is you to comfort me. comfort me baby. comfort me.

2009-12-25T12:03:00.001-08:00

I cant say i dont think about them. They were always extra nice to me.

I think i have a serious hormonial imbalance.
Someone call the doctor.
I've got the love bipolar

2009-12-15T06:24:00.000-08:00

I have always wondered if my relationship was going on well, or if it was going normal, like how all relationships go. Obviously i wouldnt know cause i havent ever had a normal relationship. Normal meaning where someone reciprocates what you think is love for you.

Having said that, so i wonder.. is my relationship going fine? Are the problems i am facing just problems with myself? or rather problems shared between us both.

It's hard when sometimes he doesnt really listen or gives you the impression he cannot really be bothered to talk to you. Or sometimes even doesnt inform you of certain events he thinks is unimportant but actually would be a nice-to-know for us.

Then again, is it just the difference between us girls as compared to guys.
Are girls really from venus and men from mars?

So bottom line... Is my relationship doing fine or are my expectations just too high.

I'd like to always think that everything's gonna get better.

2009-12-14T00:52:00.001-08:00

Sometimes i feel im slowly moving into second position.

2009-12-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wonder why god made us is such a way, or even made us at all. Like a parent always says the child brings joy. But what about if the child is hurting inside. What kind of joy would that be bringing?

Somethings i believe i will never understand, like what everyone tells me, but how much more of this will i be able to take?

Dont you all realise? we were made like this. we cant change. we cant be different.

thats why if i could have a super power, i would want to change things. change, if not the world, then my world and the people who are in it's world.

ps. thanks for my birthday baby, i know it was hard for you

2009-12-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

Yet another post about my birthday. haha. see cant you tell, the excitement is bubbling inside me!

I wanted someone to send me daisies this birthday, but i knew nobody would.
Flowers are overly priced and besides i have no suitors. haha.
I'm proud to say i'm a non-single, settled-down, fully-in-love-with-my-boyfriend,girl.

But then again, it would be nice to get some on days you feel special.

With that simply put across, i would like to state the certain things that i have always wanted. Things that may never come true.

1. Experience snow fall on my birthday
2. Skinny dip in a private pool
3. Watch the sunrise and set in L's arms

Other than having wild dreams and fantasies about me going places and experiencing things out of the norm, I think it'd be so awesome if i could have all these things in a combo.

I'd be the happiest girl alive.

I have yet to see my miracle. And no one knows what it is.

=D

2009-12-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

Isnt it great when you need another persons perspective on things and your friends are perfect.

It's not that my relationship has many problems we have to sort out everyday. I mean my friends say that my relationship is really quite good. Having said that, i can say that many youngsters nowadays have an extremely hectic relationship life which includes the daily activity of quarrelling or disagreeing to something.

I have recently felt a little unsure of things, having so many thing running around in my mind. But when i bring it to the tip of my tongue, nothing seems to come out right. Nothing seems to come out like it was supposed to.

Sometimes, it's not that i want to ask questions in a manner that would seem that im an over protective person.

But am i really becoming one of those girlfriends people complain to me about?
Am i becoming the very type of girlfriend that people dislike?
Am i becoming the very girlfriend that i have disliked and warned my friends about?

If that is happening, heaven send an angel to rescue my soul.
What happened to the me that was so determined to be in control of my own actions and thoughts.

If this is REALLY happening, then what, i repeat, WHAT are you doing elizabeth?!

2009-12-02T22:34:00.001-08:00

OK!

Dont you realise that it's always the times that you need to decide on something that your mind flashes one word. BLANK

and you cant think or recall that big list of things that you really wanted or places you wanted to eat.

That day, baby reminded me of something i really wanted to get from a long time ago.
MY VERY OWN POLAROID CAMERA
I think it has been about 3 or 4 years since i told myself i wanted one of those. I didnt want to get one cause the other costs of owning one would be high high high.

But maybe i'll get it when im older and have a higher disposable income.

And i havent really decided what to get for L's family, and what to get for mine.

So a week ago, i had a list of places that i wanted to eat at. and i have decided to take this opportunity to visit as many of them as i can.

I havent decided where to eat with L though. Cause i want something so special that no place can offer.

On thursday i might be having dinner with dipak, lyon, roche, yi ping and maybe some others who decide to come. And if we really do go, i want to eat at the 99CENTS SUSHI place near school. =D

I want to eat that hot bowl thing that roche had the other time. it was kinda yummy.

as for gifts... I wouldnt really say i want to ask for much, so im not going to post anything about that. All i want is everything be beautiful and perfect. Just the way i want it to be.

haha
kill joy.

2009-12-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

oh wells.

you know what?
Im gonna try and be happy.

I'm meeting baby later, even though it's for a few minutes only.
I wonder how it will go.

So many things i want to buy.
Looks like it's always in dec that my expenses sky rocket.
I need to rethink what i need and dont need

But wait!.. i think i kinda need everything i want, haha

THE WEEKEND IS APPROACHING. FINALLY. but next week is full of tests.

SIGH!

2009-11-28T06:54:00.001-08:00

SIGH.

2009-11-23T22:42:00.001-08:00

i dont like other people peeping into my life. Because i'm trying to live it.

But that's not an issue anymore.

Ever since you clicked accept.

wtf.

2009-11-23T22:42:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking of the stuff i want to get on my birthday

and i suddenly thought....

I really loved those lilies i got two years ago on my birthday haha. if only my fairy godmother would send me a bouquet every year, then i'd be the nicest girl in the world on my birthday.

I know they die and stuff like that, which is why i seldom buy them for home like i used to all the time, but i think they are really pretty for special occassions.

Dont you think?

And i have been obsessing with the secret fact that i really want those balloons i told baby about. i think they are so cute. haha. but again, a complete waste of money.

OH SPEAKING OF MONEY! i wanted to like spurlge on tiramisu cake yesterday from starbucks cause i had this sudden mentality i only live once. But they didnt have it.

Anyways, back to the point, the fuss about my birthday is.. should i be planning a dinner with my friends like how they do for their own? or should i just not be bothered. I am a busy girl you know. besides, what if no one turns up. JOKES ON ME.

HAHA.

birthday, birthday, birthday.

secretly so excited that it's coming!
i hope i dont disappoint myself this time.

2009-11-23T00:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a while.

Back in school and i've been working part time. It's a little hard to cope but i havent told anyone.

The first week of school i actually forgot to do my homework. and i felt so bad.

Anyways. Since baby came back i couldnt say i've been spending more time with him. Call me greedy but i keep wishing i had more time.
I wonder if he feels the same way.

And my birthday is coming. It's big cause it's like 11th is the day, 16th is a year, 25th is CHRISTMAS!

I cant wait to see what happens and what's in store.

I love you fucking much baby

2009-11-02T23:59:00.001-08:00

it always comes to a point that you start to review the situation.

today in the lecture hall i was saying that im skipping my first tutorial lessons to meet lester. and my friend said it's always us girls.

Which i find is so true. i mean like we are always at the losing end. DONT YOU THINK.
Guys can say all they want about they wont let this or that happen. but at the end of the day when i repeat WHEN it does happen they cant/dont do anything cause they dont feel anything about our situation.

Simply put/said, we've lost something and they havent.

Anyways. it always comes to this point donnt you think.

After all that's said and done,there are a lot of things i said i wouldnt do ever again, but slowly am i becoming soft like i used to be?

Whatever it is i refuse to.

I didnt skip this or come here and there to be with you to feel insecure about myself or stand there and feel helpless

IM A GIRL AND IM PROUD OF IT. I SHOULD STAND TALL AND BE ME.

2009-10-19T09:36:00.001-07:00

You are the candle. Love's the flame
A fire that burns through wind and rain
Shine your light on this heart of mine
Till the end of time
You came to me like the dawn through the night
Just shining like the sun
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one

It's been a long time since i've seen your smile
Smelt your shirt
And touched your face
I could say i wish you were here.

But i wish i was there to see that beautiful sunset with you
And how the sun clashes with the surroundings and draws that pretty i love you.
I wish i was there to freeze with you till the mornings
And crave for shelter when it gets too hot

I said i loved you but i lied
Cause this is more than love i feel inside
Love can never ever feel so strong.

You are the one, You are the one

2009-10-17T09:05:00.002-07:00

Everyone changes over time.
But is the transition faster if you make a name for yourself or seem to?

Today is about the 9th day baby has been in india. i must say i miss him quite terribly. like its almost as though you dont look forward to anything.

I used to think that the scarce messages were bad but ok cause i got to see him during the weekends. but now either way doesnt work. haha

anyways.

thats just life happening.

2009-10-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

i miss you terribly. are you coming back?

BUY ME FLOWERS! i dont care! i want a huge sun flower! or a bouquet of pink lillies!

I DONT CARE!

I WANT PRESENTS FOR HAVING TO WAIT LIKE THIS!

i want everything you have!

2009-10-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

I miss you already.

Sending you off wasn't hard but I wonder if I'll be ok for the next 20 days or so....

Well I'm just glad I have so many activities coming up. There's the tennis competition and lots of attachment work to be done
maybe it's a blessing in disguise I wouldn't know but I just know I'm feeling a little like aware that babys not here

but hey! Girls are strong!

I just hope in the three weeks that k don't see his mum and sister that they'll be alright. Like not sick or anything. =)

ok going back to cooking now. At least i'm occupied

2009-10-04T23:48:00.000-07:00

Im at delifrance siloso point now!

yes everyone if you are in sentosa and need to use the computer, only delifrance at siloso point and bora bora beach bar has FREE wireless

I feel like i am doing an advertisement.

So yes im only probably blogging a little nowadays. but internship has just gotten demanding and given sndy and i 3 projects.

They are mini projects but we are trying to make them really really really good.

In turn we only want good grades as our incentives!!! =D

Im meeting baby later we have to meet meet meet cause he needs to come over to get the huge huge haversack which i think is gonna be big enough to fit me in!

hahaha!

anyways. schedule this week has a lot of meetings and in it. and sat sun im working FULL.

FML.

ok anyways. going to continue my proj now. byeeee!

2009-09-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

I'm at home now.on the iPod.

Baby is going to India next Friday. And!!!! I'm so not looking forward to it. How?
But he has probably spent so much time with me he's looking forward to going haha. I wouldn't know.

I'm meeting him tmr. Yay. I can't wait. I'm so afraid our phone bills will sky rocket and we'llbe in debt again!! Haha that's so funny.

Tying on this thing is actually quite fun.

There's so much to be done at work lately. I'd probably be like super busy when baby goes to India. Like I'll look for tons of stuff to take up my time. I'll go look for a bicycle coach! Haha!

K I have decided some places I would Like to go!
Miami
Bahamas
Havana
Germany
Austria
Norway
Milan
Switzerland
new zeeeee land

mylist is like the whole world ok.
Let's not get carried away
goodnight

2009-09-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

NO! i havent stopped blogging. it's just that i've been so busy with attachment and everything.

OH! talking about attachment. my results are out already. but i havent checked anything cause im scared. haha.

What if i dont get what i want?

Anyways which brings me to why i'm blogging today.

maybe i should just blog every night to keep track of everything i do at work. then my log book will be alot easier to deal with at the end.
But anyways.,.....

today my supervisor kinda made me a little upset with something he said.
I mean i aint the overly sensitive girl who will get upset with anything and everything. BUT what he said was overly offensive. and yea.. i didnt know if it would have been right of me to tell him off cause at the end he is still the one grading me.

Then again, he asked me if i wanted to convert to a part timer after my attachment period is over. So maybe i aint doing such a bad job.

But seriously? seriously! i dont know if i could work with him closely side by side for more than 2 days straight?

And im not looking forward to working full with him on sunday. i wonder whats gonna happen.

But! thats all just attachment.

Baby's going to india soon. i dont know how i should act. cause i know if i show him im sad he's not gonna want to go, and he'll worry, and he'll be upset.

i can do this! LIZ CAN DO THIS! im a strong independent woman =)

I miss you already.

2009-09-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

i dont know what to talk about.
i dont even know where to start.

2009-08-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

paranoid. bad dreams. black sky.

i miss you. and attachment brings us a whole new group of concepts. like how to text you more than i did today. hear you more than you heard me.

will you wait outside my shop the way i waited outside your camp?

in the heat and so excitedly still
i love you baby.

2009-08-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Blood is thicker than water.

I'll never stand a chance.
It's alright, i understand fully.

Today was a confirmation.

2009-08-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

i think im officially hardcore nerd of the year.

and i miss baby.

my life is pretty much about mugging and mugging nowadays. pretty brutal. it will all be over soon!!! good good good.

And i still havent heard from my ipp place. idiot.

ok csi is on now. byeeeeeeeee

2009-08-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

what the fuck. someone turned out the lights. turned off the water heater.

Mother fucker.

CHEE BYE COLD

2009-08-05T21:33:00.001-07:00

It's always been our way of life to watch how other people live and follow.

Maybe it's time to step out of our comfort zone and say to ourselves that it's time people follow us by example.

Anyways.. the week is coming to an end and exams are drawing near.

There was a sigh of relief somewhere along lines of this week being the final project week of the semester.

Until i decided to come to terms with the fact that the exams are just around the corner.

Retail presentation is in a few minutes and we are totally unprepared. This is bad. all thanks to a certain someone. but anyways.. what's done is done. We could all try harder to work as a team.

I am going to deny.

2009-07-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

i met the sigeren people today. Which includes aaron and steph. And i told them about the weird out dream i had last night.

Somehow maybe, i wanted to see what the ending was like. But i couldnt sleep anymore. haha! Oh well.

The dream made me realise so many things.

But anyways away from that nonsense.. i'm having a really bad time with the indigestion and anaemia.
And i want to set up a new garena account. HAHA. mine's kinda tarnished.

The city marathon is on now!! so exciting. okok. BYE NOWWWWW.

2009-07-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

i feel like a total stranger.
Like im not supposed to be here.

Maybe i changed gods plan.
Maybe i changed my own plans.

If making fun of you makes me feel better, makes me feel at home.. Would it be ok if i continue to do it?

Cant you see this is all for you? For us?

2009-07-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Wonder Wonder Wonder..

2009-07-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

To what extent do you actually believe what people tell you.
As much as we want not to be gulible, not to be taken for a fool, We cant always avoid believing someone.

Especially the ones you open up to.
Those you let in.
You trust them so much.
And yet you fear so much they'll let you down.

So maybe that's what im so afraid of.
You letting me down.

Like how my heart tells me you forgot.
About some things that mean something to me.
Things that you cover up.

Quote from the city:" Girls should look out for one another"
But then again.
What if you need looking out for other girls too.

Doesnt that mean that you cant trust anyone.

Thats whats so tiring.
Always wondering.

Maybe you should understand that i want to give you my whole heart but sometimes i dont know if it's worth it.
But i do know that when i feel it's worth it, It feels great.

2009-07-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

what if you found out someone was lying to you about so many small little things.

After a while you just wont believe anything that person says any more right?

Maybe some people think it doesnt matter to lie about small things cause it's just something small

But then again lie about many small things makes it a big big big problem.

Does anyone know what im saying?

So if you compare the worst people you know to the nicest.. maybe the worst aint so bad cause at least they never lie to you about small things.

RIGHT?

So why do you still care if he lies to you about small things? It means you can never trust him. So dont.
Dont ever let your guard down.
You might be the biggest fool ever.

F.E my ass

2009-07-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

It feels like you're falling.
No ones catching you.
You're not screaming, because you're so tired of screaming already.
You cant think.
Try to regulate your breathing.
It doesnt work.

You know you're gonna die.

Projects are my life. When i have nothing they are always there.
When i'm busy on a date with my project my mum butts in and says its a family day.
Poor project. Left undone.
Who's gonna take you out?
If not me then no one.
I guess i better finish our date.

officially going crazy

2009-07-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

She's not the kind of girl
You hear about
She'll never want another
She'll never be without
She'll give you all the signs
She'll tell you everything
Then turn around and walk away

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand
Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

After everything, you'll only maybe understand.

2009-07-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Talk about great expectations.

Maybe i should practise what i preach and follow what i told my friend that day. That we shouldnt expect too much because it's a 100% confirmed we'd get disappointed right.

Applies to everything.

And i hate being sick. Feels like i'm some kinda fucking weak person.
Feels like fuck.

Hate the world now.
Hate life.
Hate his ******

Maybe i take back the last one.
I dont know. i just feel like shit. i hate everything. INCLUDING PASTA.

2009-07-13T08:08:00.001-07:00

If you want me to love you, you have to love me thrice as much.

2009-07-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

Being surrounded by death and sickness isnt a very funny thing. It gives you a sort of reminder that there is pain and suffering in the world.

If there's anything i've learnt in the past few weeks of dad's mum's death and mum's mum's sickness it's about how we live our lives.

Baby said the other day that thinking about everything in his life, he's lived life.

Well i havent.

I used to say if i die tomorrow everyone will have to celebrate my life. And then now i think about it. What's there to celebrate?

I havent had the fun i wanted to have.
I havent done what i've truely enjoyed doing.
I havent been angry enough at the people who have done me wrong.
I havent spent time with so many friends that are overseas.
I havent played my favourite sport in forever.
I havent learnt what i wanted to learn.
I havent laughed enough.

So maybe making a list of the things you want to accomplish isnt so lame after all.

MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL MAKE A BUCKET LIST.
a list of things to do before we kick the bucket.

i know for sure i want to:

ride a bicycle
go for a bike ride
Race
ice skate over and over again
dance in the middle of the road at night
have a picnic in the pastures of new zealand
Paint my own house
Drive an expensive car
Stay in fullerton for a night
Slow dance in the rain
be a wild girl for a week
party hardcore
play paintball

maybe.

besame mucho my love.
we only live once.

2009-07-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

i dont like to be stuck in your web of discomfort.
That's your own problem.

So the weekend is coming to an end.
And e-learning week is also coming to an end.

I'm really gonna hate going back to school cause it's so much easier for me if everything were just done online.

It would really help my travel expense in terms of time and money.
I feel i waste most of my life on public transport. bUT there's no other way. grrr

Baby's supposed to show me him COOL suit later for ndp. But i highly doubt he'd remember.

anyways. night time now.

i want to be stuck in a dream thats too good to be true. i want to!

2009-06-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

I'm quite happy in my own space.
But I'm just trying to please everyone

I want to make things simple again.
Just like how they were.

Then we'd all be happy.

wheeeeeeeeE!!

2009-06-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hi Baby.

Do you remember the time when i love you's didnt come by, but our hearts were screaming it.

The time when just my presence meant the world to you.and yours to mine.

Maybe the distance if finally taking it's toll on me. I think i've tried more ways than one.

I remember when the company just meant everything and nothing to do meant lots of things to do.

Today i may have crossed the line. But i dont know why i feel so numb all of a sudden.

Today i felt how sudden emptiness feels like again. The feeling when we walked and didnt hold hands.

Today i realised that i need you more than i know.

7 months in the making. And i just only realise that i want this so much more than i thought i did.
I used to want you.
But now i want all of you.

I hope it isnt that much to ask of you.
Cause i want you to want me too.
Not just a little, but all of me.

And when that day comes.
you'll make me the happiest girl on earth.

2009-06-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, i waited up but i didnt get your text. and i unconsciously fell asleep around 5 plus almost 6. Im guessing.

Today i slept till 4pm. Which breaks my world record book. The only thing wrong with sleeping in is that it gets really hot in the afternoon. if only i could have the aircon on all day. Now wouldnt that be great.

L had to stay in camp today cause he had guard duty. Everyone has something to do tonight haha. So funny huh. when ppl are asking me out i've got plans. But when i'm free. everyone else has plans.

Funny.

The week is almost over. which means my dear friends are gonna be back soon. Oh yes and next week is elearning week which means no schoooool!! HAHA.

actually i was looking forward to monday cause baby said he had an off day. but it got cancelled so i guess it's just sunday this week. but i have dinner at home. So it really isnt considered a day at all.

But what to do. haha
To all the people that lost their gf's in army. i now understand why. haha.

But then again. Where's the perseverance girls!

Anyways on a lighter note.

I finished watching robot boyfriend today. My new friend Brenda for my marketing management class asked me to watch that. It was really nice. but so far it doesnt beat F4. haha.

But i started watching 1 litre of tears today. and yes omg it's a dam sad show i think everyone should watch.

ok .. bye now.. time to sleep.. everyone's already sleeping.. since like 12.40 haha. alright night now.

Seriously, Where is everyone when you need them.

That's easy. They're out having a good time.

2009-06-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's 4.47am

Some nights i just dont want to sleep. I keep thinking maybe just maybe he'll get up and talk to me through the night. The nights are never easy for me.

I've been watching Jap Drama these few nights. it's not very like me unless it's Hana Yori Dango. haha. But still.. i guess it gives me mixed up feelings then what i'm feeling doesnt feel that bad after all.

I find myself sitting at the dinner table with nothing else to do. And i'm just holding up my phone. Cause i know you're gonna text any time within the next 45 mins. after all it's gonna be your wake up call ringing in your ears soon. and i love talking to you in the morning.

Cause i know we have all the time in the world and theres no such thing as are you tired?

Sometimes it's just hard to explain.And it's really weird when you go online and someone comes by, and you can talk to and joke around and be serious. and you realise that hrs have passed.

and im back to square one.

Staring at my phone.
Your text is coming soon.

4.55am

i miss you.

2009-06-23T00:21:00.001-07:00

yesterday was baby's birthday. im not sure he enjoyed it till the surprise party came in. haha

But yes all went pretty well.. am i have some bruises from the sunday event.

Unfortunately i dont have pictures cause im not the kinda girl that immediately takes out a camera.

But i should definitely have huh. For such an event.

Anyways.

i love you too baby. and i hope you enjoyed it.

<3

2009-06-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

HELLO EARTHLINGS

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE DONE A PROPER POST.

TODAY IS THE 16TH.

you proved me wrong
we seem to be getting on really strong.
i'm loving every minute of it.

I had a really cute conversation with my dear LITTLE boy the other day. hahahhahaha

HERE IT GOES.

ME: Mayday Mayday. Alpha whiskey to command. We are under attack. I repeat we are under attack. Need backup asap

LESTER: Bravo Send

LESTER: Bravo to alpha whiskey do you read me

ME: Men down. Men down! Send reinforcements at once!

LESTER: Bravo to alpha whiskey. Abort mission at once. I repeat abort mission. Sending super puma in. Ice at your current position

ME: Negative. Repeat negative. We are under attack! Send pick up immediately to 120 degrees north 60 degrees west. PICK UP IMMEDIATELY

Lester: In two minutes. Heavy air artillery coupled with tanks and infantry will arrive. It's gonna be a blood bath. Get out of there at once leave your men behind

ME: Negative! Never leave your men behind, soldier! Send air lift at once! Prepare for heavy fire send backup

Lester: You want to sign on? haha

hahaha yes! can i sign on now till september 2-10 only? pretty please.
haha i dont know who else will understand my crazy nonsense.

Lester Ong Jin Hao
You are my

Forever and ever baby

NOBODY BUCHEW
SILLY GUR.

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE.

I cut off the black thing on my face today. it was starting to bother me a little bit.

seee the plaster thing so ugly. i had to walk around orchard like that. SO EMBARRASSING!

2009-06-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

BOY AM I DISAPPOINTED.

2009-06-08T20:06:00.001-07:00

I HATE JUNK MAIL

ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT SAY ENLARGE YOUR MANHOOD.

ENHANCE YOUR LOVE STICK

WTF.

2009-06-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

I'm a happy girl =)))

Ok theres no doubt im going crazy about shopping right now. i just cant help it. but im trying to control the urges by thinking about what i want to buy like over and over again for like a few days in a row.

I feel like shit right now, considering i caught a cold and i think i have the tummy flu. but i still feel great.

One thing about looking at stuff online is the scrolling makes your mind go a little hay wire and yea.. you get a little dizzy.

OK!

School took forever to be over and done with today but it was fun. I was feeling real bad in retail and i accidentally said something out loud. oooooooops.

And laughing with ricardo at that ****** hahahahaha. was dam hilarious!

they were forcing me to take an iq test which i was trying to avoid and half way through it i hit the back button hahahahhaa

ON PURPOSE. well
what can i say?

WHOOOOPS? haha

2009-05-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

how?

2009-05-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

ok i think you're asleep. my phone's been quiet for like 10 mins. but i shouldnt complain cause in camp the intervals can go up to like 6 hours.

so we went for a little gathering earlier and i was quiet. dont know why.. but i just listened to the convos going across the table.

i dont know.. maybe studying tired me out. but.... i dont know larh.

baby sent me home. =) after like maybe.... 5 months. haha. the last time was christmas. so it was really nice.

i dont like being second place in competitions.
I dont like being second place in your heart.
I dont like not knowing if im first place even if i am.
Call me needy but i like to feel lots of love.

Deal with it.

2009-05-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

I just found out that L is going to join his army marathon. WAHAHHAHAHAH.omg.

okok i have faith in him to finish it.. duh... i would finish it also.. but i wont be first. haha.

It's 21km.

Im doing supply chain but i'm so distracted trying to find the song i used to have apparently it's taking forever to download.

LEGAL.
I SWEAR!

haha.
alright enough of that shit. I was playing with Benji's Iphone and omg.. he has all the tap tap including the cold play one. i lost to his gf. maybe im just lousy. OR MAYBE SHE ALWAYS PLAYS IT. haha. cause it was so colourful i couldnt see shit.

I GOT OWNED. haha. so sad.. normally it's the other way around?? unless it's L then i'll just lose happily.

SEE IM MERCIFUl.

Alrght back to supply chain.

I LOVE STUDYING I LOVE STUDYING I LOVE STUDYING.

FML. DOT COM. haha

till next time.. byeeeee...

ps: i wanna be a lipstick jungle girl!!!!

2009-05-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

I was looking back at my page of recent posts and they seem so sad.

I'M NOT A SAD PERSON.

Anyways.. this week has been pretty alright. Yesterday was one of my favourite days because throughout the early part of the day baby could text me constantly and it was pretty rewarding to me especially since his replies always take forever casue of his whatever exercises going on throughout the day.

napfa was horrible.. i was a point away from gold. and i gave up on my 2.4 and my sit and reach was a total disaster.

I fell during tennis cause my leg cramped up and i 'bowed' to someone because of that. My strokes were all over the place but funnily i wasnt pissed at myself cause i was having so much fun.

But yes i will be more serious on monday when i start training again. Polite is coming and i really want to play WITHOUT embarrassing myself. that's if i can train to be more consistent.

Oh! i saw someone who made my day.. not really saw larh.. cause i went one huge round just to see them both walking towards the sports hall. but yea.. they made my day especially since my napfa was pretty bad. they made me smile all the way to the tennis courts. hahaha

2009-05-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing about blogging it's when the people you care about most leave you feeling sore and everyone gets to read about it.

Maybe it's better if no one asks me whats wrong or how i am feeling because i just wouldnt be able to give them the answer my heart is feeling.

let's just say i dont like to blog about every other thing i feel becasue i dont want people to know whats going on in my heart.
But when i do want people to know, i feel as though i am betraying someone else.

Who doesnt long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told

2009-05-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

you're lying beside me,
and im supposed to be studying my supply chain.
But as always, you are my priority on the weekends.

So many things to say... but somehow as always,
i always have this difficulty putting things in words
unless of course it's in black and white,
i might always mean what i say.

the week was torture
my heart couldnt take it
but i didnt want to tell you.
i might have become a little numb and insensitive
but i feel it's only right of me
since you dont know what i am feeling.

it's just like every weekend you're living the life
and every sunday it gets stripped away from you.
you're so lost.
and by the time you get used to it, you're living life again.

like a see saw

i cant breathe i feel like im suffocating
in this huge thing that i want but leaves me there.
just there
just like that.

but for you,
i wonder why i'd do anything.
even when i think i dont want to love you anymore.
i know i'm just lying to myself.

you'd never understand why i am the way i am because of what i went through.
no one will.
they always say they understand.

what will it take
i'd do anything to make myself better.

the thing is will you do anything to make me feel better?

never the less. this is the one love i want so much it's eating me from the inside.
heal me baby.
be my enchantress

2009-05-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Screams in your head
Never thought you could be this lonely
Now you're on the floor
Thinking how did you get here

Lonely and confused
You arent any stronger than you were
and you thought you could take the leap
Into a world you thought you knew

2009-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is friday. We made it. or rather i made it through the week.

I dont know what should make me prouder.
- The fact that i survived three days of silence

or

- The fact that i got an email from my teacher saying that i'm doing good in school

Whatever it is..
i dont know.. i'm just so glad it's friday already. and you said you'll hold me and not let go, dropping whatever youa re doing at that very moment.

Let us see if they come true.

2009-05-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

So i got my attachement results and yea.. i think it was pretty awesome except fort he fact that the BSC fuckers ttaly screwed up my results but nevermind. i'm so pissed cause of that. but nvm..

I skipped class today cause baby booked out.. i must say i feel kinda guilty but it is worth it? maybe.. he said he'd cook lunch but he DOESNT HAVE A MAIN COURSE. ok nvm. i'm just gona get fat on carbs then.

bye.

2009-05-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows i'm in over my head
Over my head
Am i on your mind
On your mind

I need encouragement.
I'm spacing out.
I cant say it's the same.
But i cant say it's different either.

Pull me back
It seems it's the world against us.
I cant hang on like this forever.

I need a sign.

2009-05-03T23:32:00.001-07:00

Great weekends are good, but they always leave me hanging on the fence.

This just means that i really dont want it to end and i get very disheartened when i see you go back to camp. But i know a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. but still. i feel so selfish.

So what am i supposed to do.
When i feel weak and frail
and so dam helpless.

Everything's gonna get better. thats what you always say.
The words that comfort me sometimes seem so hard to come by.
I know im supposed to be strong
and that's just what i'm gon' do.

School's helping cause that takes my mind of things a little bit.
but somehow i just want to feel you next to me always.

Aint i a little selfish girl.

.
No one said love was fair and square.

2009-04-27T00:03:00.001-07:00

the awesome weekend.

Tequilla
Peach vodka
Poker
Warcraft
Barbecued Chicken
The Swimming pool
The Jacuzzi
Shopping

But the best part, was being with you.

2009-04-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

School is gonna be starting soon. and it aint that im not excited. i'm quite happy that finally i get to do some studying.. i kinda miss it.

But the thing is that.. you know.. somehow im afraid i wont be able to cope. but what the hell. im just gonna rock year 3 anyways.

I planned my timetable around wed and fridays such that i have school and i can study before i meet L. Unless of course he cant come out on weds like he used to. then i'll just go home after school.

I'm so excited cause year 3 starting means that the day my friends are coming back draws nearer. and im gonna be seeing everyone soooon!! like hello. finally.

I cant believe that the school cirriculum left me out from the OTHER group which is with the group of people that i've been through thick and thin with.. camps, interviews, birthdays, frustration from planning and lack of sleep etc.

I miss you guys
Apple!!! i wish were coming back soon cause everyone is!!

oh...

SCHOOL IS STARTING!
*claps hands*

2009-04-15T03:41:00.000-07:00

if i keep my eyes closed will you come back this weekend?

2009-04-14T23:59:00.001-07:00

After talking to steph last night, we both agreed that everything that has happened to us has been unfair. Seriously Unfair. Not just from relationships but like our friends who have left us and stuff.

But the funny thing is when she was talking about eveything else, i was thinking about someone else. Last night was a big blow in my face, but i know it must have hurt you a lot to know that the plans were no longer in effect (haha, looking for a better term)SO i tried my best to cheer you up. =)

it doesnt matter larh, as long as you're fine. I keep telling myself.
What to do right.

anyhow... i was kinda stupid to have planned so far. haha. *slaps forehead

k im going back to reality now, the many paged report to finish. hmph.

2009-04-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

FUCKING FIRST BLOOD WITH ZEUS NOOB SHITS! EAT THAT SUCKERS!

2009-04-13T19:47:00.002-07:00

Oh dearie me.. so there's nothing much to do today and i dont really want to do my report which is kinda bad cause i still have like 14 pages to go i guess. maybe a little more.

dad was supposed to help me but being the bitch that he is, it isnt going to be easy getting help from him.

So im leaving in half an hours time and i must say im kinda excited. Im going to shop and man i do love shopping when i have money with no limit.

I mean i do have a limit today cause mum only gave me like 100 dollars, but i still have some cash i saved up.. probably like 50. i dont realyl want to use Lester's money cause it isnt a very nice thing to do. yeap.

ok so...... hmmmm lets see.. things that im going to do later is:

1. Buy my formal blouse
2. Buy my lingerie (WEEEE I'VE WAITED TO LONG)

talking about lingerie, i actually wanted the lasenza one online butit's fregging expensive yah! opkok the list the list!

3. I need to look for a bag IMPT!!
4. Maybe some nice heels? =))
5. I still am in love with high rainbow socks but that's not a priority.
6. OH!!! should i go for a pedi today? =))'

ok i should stop right there.
I need to budget. yes yes budget!

teehee. im leaving my fingers for baby to do. oh!! if i do a pedi should i get baby purple. it's so nice know! okok. yes yes.. im leaving.. bye now

2009-04-13T19:47:00.001-07:00

HAHA!

i've been a naughty girl and my classmates know it!
oh my dear god. hahah

please please please no karma ok?? but wait.. i didnt even do anything wrong!! haha.

okok.. so this morning i woke up late again. but i guess all is well. =)

i cant wait to go shopping later!! i need to buy my formal wear fopr thursday!!
and and and im going to look for a cheaper bag. and and and my sexy ******** =))))

ok bye now =))

gleams!!

2009-04-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

2009-04-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

Havent heard from L since 5.18 this morning. I hope he's having fun with those big guns. I know i'd give anything (but not everything) to fire those big guns too!!

double winks!

anyways... yes this week is gonna be a faster week for me thank god for leave that i can clear!!

lets see. i still have 13 hours. so i'm taking 3.5hrs off tmr which means i can leave at lunch hour which is at 1pm. and then on wed i'm OOFFFFF 7.5hrs and friday i'm leaving at 3.30 just in time for L's book out after i walk over =))

CONVENIENCE!

this weekend's the surprise!! i got tabs and darius to help me spice up the surprise too!! =))) so hap hap happpppy.

and then i've got a gift for L. was supposed to give it to him long ago.. but i havent had the perfect captured moment..

ahem hint hint*

the past weekend was enjoyable.. ups and downs.. but at the end, it was a blast cause i have L all to myself ON SUNDAY! andwe ahd fun =)

NEXT WEEK NEXT WEEK!!

OMG OMG OMG.!!

tomorrow..... i'm going shopping cause i need to shop!!!! but but but i have no money so i am..... going to......... be nice to mummy tonight. hahahaea

okook... it's past 5.30 i can go already. FLY BY DEAR WEEK I CANT WAIT FOR THE WEEKEND.

you're one of a kind

2009-04-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

i love you too much it shows
all my emotions go, out of control
good for you, bad for me
but i can hardly see, from all the tears that flow

The bitch in me came out. i know.
Sorry for all the pain i've caused.
I promise i'd be keeping my paws in from now on.
I'll try to be the same person i was.
cause i really love myself when i'm just me.
Even if it means i might get hurt.

I'm keeping my paws.
And im drawing back.

They said it was supposed to be perfect.
So why is my world more than perfect with you?

it's risky business, but like i've learnt,

high risk = High losses / high returns

ps: i love it when you say "it's us against the world baby"

so. i'm going to the beach tmr for you, cause you make me happy when you try =)

2009-04-09T03:06:00.001-07:00

Two roads, split up from here
and my life goes running, in opposite directions

Someday i'll understand, what my heart really feels. but it's just not today.

I love you.

2009-04-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

it aint easy for you
it aint easy for me

what would you do to keep me by your side?

2009-04-06T00:39:00.001-07:00

i hate writing emails and searching the web.

for stuff under the catergory of UNIVERSITY

2009-04-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

First day back at school after block leave last week. Totally didnt even feel like coming to school. and officially the only thing that i productively did today was waste time. haha

i went online to look for bags cause i really need a new bag.. for a lot of reasons. L and i went to riverisland yst.. you know.. riverisland and their bags.. it's magic! haha. anyways. yes.. i saw one that was 99 dollars but then again... it's 99 dollars.

A sane person wouldnt buy it immediately. plus it's white base so.... LATER DIRTY HOW?

sososo....

I went to aldo also and the shoe that i have loved for the longest time has no size. hmph.

i was online earlier and i saw this really nice pair of shoes.. from.. erm.. an online shop but unfortunately i cant rmb the shop name haha. SO CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MANY STORES I HAVE VISITED?

I'm deciding between these two colours.. after converting currency it should be 40 odd dollars and i have no idea how much is shipping.. OMG I WANT IT. but i think i should just look at it everyday and maybe i'll hate it after a while. haha

saw this aldo bag too online.. but i couldnt get the photo.. but anyways.. it looks like charles and keith material. what is wrong with these shoe shops. I AM INLOVE WITH PYTHON HOBOS.

talking about python.. i saw these immensely nice python heels on the aldo page!!!
but since aldo didnt let me steal the photo.. let me show you a python heel.
and then you can guess where it is from and how much it is.. you're gonna go crazy.. welllll if you know the brand. superbly nice.

can you see the mgic part??????? the tiny part of the sole?? ITS RED. hello?! those are louboutins. MELT!!!!

anyways.. for the next part of this post.. boots that probably dont look like LIANISH boots.. that you know.. LIANS wear.. i feel so sad for us.. cause we cant wear boots cause they've been 'bustardised'.

quit nice right?? i was thinking.. my short short short black dress.. the one that baby bought for me + tights + these boots = night out + hot and sweaty + hard liqour + late night lovin

Sounds almost perfect doesnt it. teehee.

2009-04-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

neum neum neum!!
Eating hichew.

Today i went to school to play tennis. the funny thing is that i missed girls training cause halifah didnt tell me that girls was moved to 8am. BUt anyways.. i played with my old/original tennis buddies from the guys team.

Kinda missed what it was like to whack the shit out of balls just so i wouldnt seem like such a pussy.

Effectively didnt eat lunch at all today.. i ate some noodles before i went for training though. well 'training' to be precise.
The heat was immense i swear and i totally forgot so i wore all black. which is my normal routine. yes.

I was wondering why people love the sun and i remembered im one of them haha.

ok bimbo moment.

whatever!*rolls eyes (although lester can do it better than me. ahem!! cause im not a bitch)
wahahhaa

so i came to free access lab to work on my reports. I'm still kinda stuck at the SME report. i fucking hate this report.

Whats worse than writing a report (which is not. i repeat NOT something i entirely hate) is writing one that you know nothing about.

well my topic is SMEs in singapores finance sector.
" yea we all kinda know stuff about recession and economy"

but

has anyone heard of Ong First Tradition (not ong's with the ' s it's ONG) like ok.. nvm.. forget the horrid grammar. how about Chartered Asset management.

I'm so fucking pissed cause everytime i search on something to do with chartered asset management STANDARD chartered comes out.

Remind me again why i cant just talk about DBS AND CITITBANK AND OCBC.

it would make my life so much less miserable.

anyways.. i'm waiting for L to book out. i'm freezing my TOOOOSH off in the lab that CONTAINS NO ONE EXCEPT ME. yes i cam ein earlier and i was like woooohoooo the whole place to myself.. spread my legs on the table no one knows.

Then i found a camera pointing straight in my face. thank god i have shorts on. hahahahahha

ok erase memory! you didnt read that.

yes understanding my gibberish is hard but please dont hate me.. i'm only trying to express the pain, misery and boredom i am in all at once.

i swear i thought i was hyperventilating earlier and i felt my heart beat which was a pretty bad idea cause my hands are cold.. and it acted as a difribrillator.

ok.. i'll just continue waiting for the king of my world.. EXCUSE ME GOD.

I LOVE HIM!

2009-03-29T11:07:00.001-07:00

notice me; take my hand
i make believe; that you are here

the recent urges to club
the sudden string of remixes and hip hop from shuffling of songs
the burning desire to drink and dance till dawn
the feeling of waking up the next day with sore legs
the need for water like you've just come out of the sahara

yes.. i've recently been really hungering for clubbing sessions.
NOT only is it a :
1) WEIGHT REDUCTION METHOD

haha.

it's also a

2) DESTRESS SESSION

not forgetting the

3) CATCH UP WITH OLD FRIENDS.. no need for words. let the moves do the talking

haha.

so.. this weekend i managed to catch up with steph on fri and sat.
studio's closing down which is sad.
missed kim's take off casue of mum (who was being a total bitch the whole night)
and i'm talking to a former topshop staff

EXCITING.

more than words

2009-03-24T20:14:00.001-07:00

Maybe we, why dont we
Sit right here for half an hour
We'll speak of what a waste i am
and how we missed your beat again

I swear we need to find some comfort in this run down place
To bridge the gap of this conscious state that we live in

I still see your shadow
I remember your presence
I hope to god you feel this now
I cant sit still
Keep me filled in, i swear i'll come

2009-03-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

It tears me up
I've tried to hold on but it hurts too much
It's like chasing the very last train
when it's too late, it's too late
You cant play my broken strings
You cant feel anything
That your heart dont want to feel
How can i give more?

It dont matter. Like i said, i should start getting used to it.
It's not so much about you doing what you do every night.
but it's more of me staying there till you do.

It dont feel good man. not one bit

When i'm the one who thinks of things to say, stories to read and ways to make you smile. And then you slip away.
Makes me feel like such a loser.

you hate army. i hate school.

but at the end of the day. could you forget your stuff and just... just try to make me feel better maybe?
You've got your friends in there. All I've got is my work.

Just so you know.

2009-03-19T19:05:00.001-07:00

I'm in schooooooool. eating wedges and cheese hahahahahahhahahhaha

im such a fatty. i love it. yummy yummy

2009-03-19T00:14:00.001-07:00

Why does hello feel like goodbye?

that's always the case isnt it. hello.. and like 2 mins later you have to go.

i was smiling like a mad cow when you called me earlier. it's like been a million years since we've talked. all thanks to BC. oh well.

it doesnt matter. cause you're probably thinking what has changed on my side, just like how im wondering what has changed on your side.

Thankfully nothing much on yours.

Well i'll tell you what has changed here.

-> I miss you a little more? even though i try to exclude it from ALL my texts and i just put them in some. but the truth is i really do what! (teehee)

-> I hate you a little more? even though i dont tell you. ITS BUILDING UP. roar! why why why!!! does it have to be this way! so unfair!

-> I love you a little more? even though i hate you. Absense is the -make-your-heart-weak kinda thing that we all try to eliminate from r/s. but it dont matter cause you said we have all the time in the world right. =)

apart from that everything's still the same.

school still bored the eye balls outta me.

i hate that you might be confined this weekend.

i hate myself for buying a skirt online when im trying desperately to save money.

i just want you back now.

come back to me
back to me
to me